“Nothing’s impossible I have found. For when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up; dust myself off, start all over again….”
Sometimes song lyrics speak more clearly than I do. Today, I’m hearing Fred Astaire in “Swing Time” in my head, singing the lyrics of Dorothy Fields set to the brilliant music of Jerome Kern. I’m humming along in my soul and I’m trying to take those lyrics to heart.
The past month or so has not been easy for me. During that time I lost my grace, I lost my gratitudes, I lost my sense of humour and through it all I kept feeling lost. The combination of illness, depression, interpersonal problems, a deep sense of loneliness, and generalized stress was too much for my normally resilient nature and I got lost; lost in despair, lost in anger, lost in resentment, lost in self-righteousness….just plain lost. So everyone hum along with me while I sing that I’m going to “pick myself up; dust myself off, start all over again….”
I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon all over the place in the past few weeks – no gratitudes, very little photo taking, no writing, and very little positivity. It is blazingly apparent to me that it is time to hop back on to that wagon seat, tie myself to it, and stay up there for a while on all fronts. Starting with today. One day at a time as the saying goes. One day at a time.
Today my gratitudes include:
1) My thankfulness for being healthy after the nasty flu I had a month ago. I was sick from a Sunday – Saturday and that week or so of flu/cold/cough hellishness has been a reminder of how healthy I generally am and how incredibly thankful I am for that fact. What a gift good health is.
2) I’m particularly thankful to Cat, Peter, Anni, Amy, Chris, Monique, Carma, Eileen, Sara, & Katie. They saw me through a lot of my darkness via IM and phone, and loved me beautifully through it all. They offered perspective and support, let me know when I was off base, and also showed me the places that my feelings were indeed valid, sane, and rational, even when I felt like I was coming unhinged. I don’t know how to thank you all enough, but I do thank you -- deeply and from the entirety of my being.
3) I’m delighted for Chris and Jen. For their engagement and their upcoming marriage. Unabashedly, unreservedly delighted for them both. I love them both so much! Please join me in congratulating them! Hooray!
4) I’m tickled that I’m going to be Best Man in their wedding. :) My friendship with Chris is one of the great joys in my life. I feel so thankful that we worked so hard to come through the difficulty of our break up in order to come full circle to the incredible strength that always has been our friendship! What an amazing gift! AND I can’t begin to tell you how honoured I am to be his Best Man, and also how tickled I am by how fabulously hilarious and quirky that is. :) I can safely say that I’ve never been Best Man before. And given the number of weddings I’ve been in, the positions I haven’t filled are dwindling. :) Thanks for checking one more off the list CB. *grin*
5) I’m thankful that I still have a job despite the fact that furloughs were just announced at my work. A 5% pay cut in the form of 13 furlough days is coming my way. Ouch. Money is already so tight, but I am thankful that they are doing it this way and trying to avoid layoffs for everyone. Also thankful that I get 13 days off and don’t just have to suck up the pay cut while getting nothing in return for it. Now to find where to cut that money from my budget. *scratches head in consternation* Still…could be much worse.
6) I love my heart-shaped glasses. They are fun and frivolous and they make people giggle in the street and I like that. Plus I feel good in them which is an added bonus.
7) Just had dinner with Amy. She is so good for my perspective and my soul. Thank you Amy for being so wonderful and rational and loving.
8) Went out to 4th of Juplaya. Had some good times and some hilarious moments. To the Elbow...and beyond! Thanks in particular to Allen and Haley and Rob for our laughter filled night! And to Amy & Bill & Eric for their hospitality and comfy space. :) BTW...I love this mountain.
9) The sign below this made me laugh aloud. :)
10) Visiting with Cybele and Ryan a few weeks ago was great fun and from it came photos like this (and isn't the sexy just overwhelming?):
And the puppy cuteness... oy!
I thought 6 was enough but couldn't stop writing. :) Now, however, I must sleep. Hugs to all!
Tassels and Stripes
20 hours ago