I'm feeling unsettled today and frankly, a little depressed. Fargin migraines...fargin financial foo...fargin uncertainty...russa frussa...*pout* (Am literally laughing aloud as I type out this pout-fest...i do know how ridiculous it is...but still...it helps a little so hee hee hee)
I know I'm blessed. I do! I'm so aware of the many, many blessings I have in my life every minute of every single day and somehow I'm still feeling off today. I don't like it.
It makes for a bit of mental discord and internal chaos to have so much conflicting info coming through the old brain pan this afternoon, so I've decided once again to focus on what makes me feel joyful and thankful in an effort to get it all down to the one simple place that keeps me afloat...a place of gratitude. Hooray!
I looked up the etymology of the word gratitude just now and this is what I found:
c.1500, from M.L. gratitudo "thankfulness," from L. gratus "thankful, pleasing" (see grace).
Somehow that one should "see grace" while looking at gratitude, pleases me. I do feel like I "see grace" when I live in a state of gratitude. I live more gracefully when I do. Like the Graces smile upon me. :)
My favorite definitions of grace include:
1. elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
2. a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
3. favor or good will.
4. mercy; clemency; pardon: an act of grace.
5. a virtue or excellence of divine origin
6. moral strength
7. Graces, Classical Mythology. the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities and in Rome as the Gratiae.
–verb (used with object)
14. to lend or add grace to; adorn
15. to favor or honor
1. attractiveness, charm, gracefulness, comeliness, ease. 4. kindness, kindliness, love, benignity; condescension. 5. lenity, leniency. 14. embellish, beautify, deck, decorate, ornament; enhance, honor.
So today, I focus on what I'm thankful for yet again and I suspect that I'll find that center I'm dancing around once I do.
With out further ado, my gratitudes in no particular order today include:
1) Allen's random words note. It has made me smile over the past few days. Thank you for that benison. ;)
2) George -- you've been so amazingly kind to me this week in particular, and many times over the past oh...what is it now NINETEEN years? Thank goodness for you! Thank you for your love and generosity, for your wisdom and your humor.
3) I'm thankful for the birthdays of so many loved and lovely people in my life that seem to occur around this time of year. Hooray for Capricorns! You're a wonderful bunch and you make up a seriously huge part of my dearest friend base! Happy Birthday Loved Ones! Many Many Happy Birthdays to come!
4) My family. I love them. Christmas with them in my home was a pure joy...though I and we all missed Nina. My house is now warmed. :)
5) Knowing how to come back to center when I feel off. I've found me. I trust me. I love me. I believe in me. I know I'm smart, kind, sexy, silly, funny, enticing, passionate, patient (oh so patient), deeply affectionate, strong, exuberant, beautiful, desirable, goofy, generous, observant, powerful, sensual, quick-witted, energetic, adventurous, endearing, wise, mighty, blessed, loving, loved and infinitely lovable. I know that I deserve happiness. I am whole. I am complete. I believe in myself and I fundamentally like myself. That means, that even on days like today, some strong part of me knows that all of that is true. This means I can always get back to happy and content...even when I have to struggle a little to get there...because at my core...at my center...that is who I am. I am a happy, contented, loving Tigger. I am Dug the dog from UP....goofy, loyal, and full of love. I am Tanya. Take me as I am, love me or don't, because what you see is what you get. In the meanwhile, I love me and I love you and so shall it be. Hear me roar!
6) Amy, Bill and Elliot -- for helping me in the past weeks to make my place a much more pleasant place to live. Thank you for helping me with all things handy. And for teaching me along the way! Also thank yous for Rock Climbing adventures and for the Athletic Playground. Because really? OMG those things are truly made of win! A million thank yous...truly.
7) I love my home. It really feels like Home. Living alone has some great moments and some lonely ones, but mostly I really enjoy it.
8) Walks on the pier at sunset and at moonrise and during full moon...and well...yeah...walks on the pier...they're so good.
9) Jen -- because you're amazing...and kind...and loving...and magnificent...and I'm so thankful that I get to see you every day at work. I don't know what I'd do without you. Truly!
10) My compatriots of New Year's Eve Silliness -- Monique, John, Drake, Griffin, Saiya, JoAnn, Barbara, Leigh, Genevieve, Cat & Peter. What a blessed way to welcome in 2010! Thank you!
11) Carma and Steph ...because really? I'm always thankful for Carma and Steph. 25+ years of friendship there and I thank my lucky stars every damned day for it!
12) Anni and James for visiting and laughter and clicky whee and good talks and yay!
13) Escaping early...because I can! Lucky 13 indeed!
I have much more to be thankful for and so many of you to thank, but I want to see that sunset happen so I'm outta here!
I wish you all love. You deserve it!
Tassels and Stripes
20 hours ago