Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate The Positive #31 -- 10/23/09

I actually wrote this Friday night (hence the date) but somehow never posted. lol. So....here:

Singing the gratitudes tonight....

When sleep won't come and I need to still my mind, the gratitudes always bring me home. I think tonight's will be in a more narrative form than usual....so bear with me...

It has been a rich and difficult and beautiful and complex and exciting and growth-filled couple of months. I am learning my own strengths and enjoying being me in a way that I'm not sure I have since childhood.

I feel good. I feel strong. I feel like I may have finally gotten some things that friends have been trying to tell me about me for a long, long time now. Things about my worth and value, about who I am both from the inside and as seen from the outside and about my sense of self. I like what I'm finding out. I like who I am. I'm making wiser choices, and learning about what I do and don't need and want in my life. I'm taking better care of my soul. I feel more centered and more ME than I have maybe ever.

And the best bit? I like me. It is kind of great. And about time.

Yes, there are things to work on. Yes, there are things to shift/change/grow into/away from...but over all...I'm liking the person I wake up to every morning in that foggy bathroom mirror. And it is such a relief. :)

Those of you who have known me for a long time are probably either slapping hands to foreheads, or doing a dance of "about fucking time", and I thank you for not giving up on me and my mental hamsters all these years. I can't promise that the little bastards won't occasionally come back to rear their ugly little hamstery heads again....but I can promise to be swifter to silence them, and more gracious in the accepting of compliments. I will really listen to your kind words and better take them to heart. Because? Because I'm finally getting that I deserve it...and also...that the kind things you say to me....are your truth...and therefore are truth...I can't deny anyone else their belief of me....and sometimes it would be wise for me to embrace a little of that kindness for myself...and here I am...doing that...and I thank you for showing me how to be kinder to myself. It has really helped.

Ta-da! Proof positive that growth happens, Ladies & Gentlemen!

And truly? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

With deepest Love and Gratitude!
Me. :)