All photos and content © Tanya Anguita.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Bed of Inquiries

in ghostly whispers

that come unbidden at midnight,

i hear echoes of your laughter

and, for an instant,

the distinct and present feeling

of a hand brushing gently

against my hungry skin

when Memory falls over me like this --

tripping on words unsung,

actions never acted upon,

phrases unturned --

i am left with a

dull dissatisfaction

and the need for closure

where there is none.

when does peace come?

where does solace rest?

how does longing become fulfillment?

my patience lies panting and tattered

on the side of the road,

exhausted by the questions that

run me ragged at the witching hour.

questions unanswerable

questions unavoidable

questions that haunt me

in the stronghold

of Nyx's darkened realm.

questions that,

like her,

are born of Chaos.

where and how do i find hope

for my unknown future

when 20/20 hindsight

is all that is afforded to me?

how do I approach my invisible destiny

with eyes wide open,

a blinder-free spirit ,

a heart unfettered by fear

a determination filled with willing gentleness?

in the dark-outside

the telephone wires hum

with the dreams and doubts of others,

the skies sing a hymn

with a chorus of stars,

the moon exhales

a quiet breath as she wanes

and I?

I lay silent in my bed of inquiries

with a pillow of active thought for my

restless head,

praying that the lullaby

of the cosmos

will sing me swiftly,


into the

loving arms

of Morpheus.

© Tanya Anguita

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Postive #45 -- 8/19/10

Today without preamble my gratitudes include:

1) Picking blackberries at Chris and Jen's with Jen and Tuffy and the happiness that it brought me to be in their company. :)

2) Learning how to make Challah bread. Now I've done it once I know how long it takes, what not to do again (heh!), what to do a little differently, etc.

3) Homemade blackberry jam and plum jam on toast! NOM NOM NOMMITY NOM!

4) The fact that as I started typing this earlier today that there was blue sky out my window at work. Oh how I've missed blue sky this "summer".

5) 8/9/10 and how strangely happy dates and times like that make me. Here's a great story along those lines:

6) Getting to see Kirsten while she was here visiting from New Zealand. Meeting Nik at last, and meeting Nicola and Gerry was also a treat. Add Katie & Michael time into the mix and I'm a happy little camper. Hooray!

7) Having a tidy desk at work.

8) Gratitudes that take a few days to write.

9) Paciencia y fe... :)

10) Roses

11) Fun books that keep me up reading too late.

12) Finding an old journal that I've been looking for for months. There is a song that I wrote in it that I've been wanting to revisit. Hooray!

13) Anni coming up tomorrow! Hooray!

14) Knowing that tomorrow is Friday at long last. This week has been loooooooooooooooooong!

15) A lovely day with Robin on Saturday was good for my spirit. :) Thank you!

16) So much good in the way of Amy, Michelle, Monique, Barbara, & Daniel in the past week or two. I'm wealthy in my friends! So wealthy!

17) An amazing evening of Family Goodness! Yay and Happy Birthday again Nina! I'm so lucky in my family. I love them AND like them. YAY!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #44 -- 8/6/10

Here I am again. Donning my thankfulness like a silken gown and reveling in the softness of it as it brushes against my life. Yum!

Today my song of gratitudes include:

1) Bunnies. They are soft and sweet and in the case of this wee rescue bunny, friendly and adorable. I fell in love with this little creature, but I have also learned the valuable lesson that bunnies require more attention than I can give them with my lifestyle. And so, sad as it made me I started thinking that I needed to find the bunny a home elsewhere. All of this falls under the heading of valuable life lesson. I'm thankful for this.

2) The Wee Bunny's owner showing up to take said bunny home Tuesday night. Hooray! Celebrations abounding! Yippee! Justin is a cool guy and Gus (the bunny) really belongs with him. :) Hooray for the small miracles in life.


3) Having a good neurologist. Finally. Dr. Quintana for the win.

4) Getting to see the brilliance of Terrybug's performance at the Lesher Center. I'm so proud of you, Sweet One. And of all of your co-stars. What a talented bunch you are and please tell Storm that I was serious about her amazing-ness. She's remarkable and so are you! Love you! Soverymuch!

5) Returning to center. It is a nice place to be. I like it here and I like me when I'm here. Phew.

6) Being reminded how important kindness is to me. Daily, patient kindness is an amazing gift to experience in one's life.

7) (Sorry gents!) Good bra fittings with a kind person helping me out. Ladies ... I recommend Kathleen Decker at the Nordstrom on Market Street in SF. I'm daunted by what I learned (oy..buying bras isn't going to be easy going forward), but she rocked, made it fun and easy, had a great sense of humor and was generally wonderful!

8) Fun hats are fun!
Just bought the cutest hat ever!

9) Step the next in the Prop 8 saga. I'm so incredibly happy that Judge Walker over turned it. It is a step in the right direction and an important one. The fight isn't over, but this first step was SO important and so necessary. Hooray! Hooray for Love. Hooray for love love love!

10) Not having a fractured left foot as I thought I might. Now I get to figure out why it hurts so much, but at least it isn't broken. Woohoo!

11) Time with beloved friends. :)

12) Unexpected evenings to one's self and recognizing that I will be happier just staying home despite all of the fun options happening out "there" tonight. It has been a full few weeks and some "me" time is exactly what the Tanya needs. :) Phew. I think I may try my hand at making blackberry jam tonight. Wish me success. :)

13) Being at a place in my life where I not only revel in spending time alone, but finally recognize that I need time to myself like I need good sleep, good food and water. It is a necessary thing for my well-being and I really enjoy my own company. It took me a long time to get here, but I'm so glad I've arrived. :)

14) The sweet sweet sound of the pop of the lids on my new canned blackberry jam being sealed. HOORAY! POP!

15) Domestic Goddessitude! It can be so gratifying! Sharing that glee via FB with others tonight was a lot of fun too.

16) The music of Owain Phyfe ...

The wonderful Owain Phyfe...If you haven't heard his music you're missing out!

Let me say it again...His voice is clear and true. His cds are amazing and beautiful. And he is a wonderful, wonderful man which only makes it that much more delightful to listen to him. You can buy his cds here: I have "Tales from the Vineyard" and "Where Beauty Moves and Wits Delights" and they're both delicious!

17) Not having to go to work tomorrow. :)

Hooray for thankfulness! Hooray! Hooray!