All photos and content © Tanya Anguita.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #47 -- 9/30/10

Took this a while ago. Pretty much how I feel right now. Oy!

Looking for things that make me thankful today. I need the gratitude fix like an addict needs their drug of choice. I've lost sight of my joy these past couple of weeks and I miss the me that likes my life. I'm feeling overwhelmed in so many arenas, as so many of us seem to be these days, and I feel that I have no right to complain because I have it better than so many people seem to have it.

So here I am...sitting quietly in my living room and striving to find humor in the fact that my home is likely not to be mine much longer and that moving is probably imminent, that my damaged nerve fun in my cervical spine is stopping me from doing the things I love, that I'm gaining weight because I can't exercise in the ways I'm accustomed to, that I'm in a job that sucks my soul and doesn't pay me enough to do more than pretty much get by, that I'm sleeping terribly because of said back pain so I'm just plain exhausted, and that now on top of it all, my mail is suddenly being "returned to sender, attempted -- not known, unable to forward" despite my having done nothing to alter my status with the post office. Whining? Why yes I am. See why I need to find my thankfulness again?

So without further complaining! I sing my gratitudes for:

1) The good news I got at the podiatrist today. My left foot is apparently sprained but there is no bone or tendon damage and it will just heal with time. I can start walking for exercise again and THIS pleases me greatly. I just need to ice it regularly. Woo-freaking-hoo!

2) Finding out that the lovely folks staying with me (one of whom I haven't seen in 15 years and one of whom I've never met) are truly wonderful people and a delight to have in my home.

3) Going to spend a few minutes with Roxanne for a fitting last night, and finding myself still having a delightful conversation that I had to pry myself from in order to go home oh say 4 hours later. LOL Thank you, Roxanne!

4) All of the amazing and heart-warming birthday wishes I received on Monday. Thank you. So much. It was a joy to respond to them all and to realize how amazingly lucky I am in my choice of friends. Thank you for choosing me too.

5) The new to me bread-maker I bought from Cybele. I set it on delay last night and woke up to the smell of fresh baked bread this morning. Put my home made blackberry jam on it. NOM! It was a rockingly awesome way to start a day.

6) Playing Carmellina in the latest Commedia Volante play. It is SO fun to play a complete ditz! I'm having a blast. Hooray!

7) Realizing again how much I love studio lighting. I enjoyed taking a couple of shoots about a month ago and I really want my own lights now. There is something amazing about the ability to manipulate your light source like that. I lurv it! :)

8) Dinner with Aran & Heather a couple of weeks ago. It did my heart so much good. Thank you both!

9) Remembering to come back to gratitude when I get emotionally lost. Phew. I feel so much better already.

10) The incredible gift of camaraderie and shared laughter backstage every weekend. So good for my soul.

11) The beautiful flowers in my living room. The light is hitting them in the most magnificent way right now. Yum!

Flowers by Sunset

12) The never-ending miracle of the beautiful moon.

The Moon Wears a Gown of Leaves - 9/25/10

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #46 -- 9/21/10

Tonight I sing the gratitudes for:

1) Perspective

2) The calm that comes with writing these.

3) The ability to be grateful even when there is a lot going on my life that causes me to forget my gratitude for a moment.

4) A fun opening weekend and being part of a great ensemble.

5) Melissa for lending me her "baby duck" costume again this weekend. I love it and feel pretty in it and without it this weekend I'm not sure what I'd have done. Thank you.

6) Sara for her laundry help, the yummy sammich, the excellent conversation and the pleasure of her company! Only in reverse order. :)

7) A good physical therapist.

8) Clean laundry all put away

9) Cereal and chocolate almond milk. Nom!

10) The hilarity and wit of my friends. Laughter is truly one of life's greatest blessings.

And now ... sleep.

Friday, September 3, 2010

louder than a promise....

silence speaks louder
than a promise.

action is
integrity embodied

you remember your love
in a vacuum
and forget it again
in the dust.

alone in this wilderness
called uncertainty,
i once again
hone my survival skills;
eating the mysteries
in the shadows
as a strange form
of sustenance.

no words can soothe me now.

i am wild and hungry,
strong and supple,
waiting for the fight
that doesn't come.

you have abandoned my hope;

left it like an orphan
in a reed boat
to float down the
raging river of

so accustomed to these waters
that i can navigate them blindfolded,
i am still
of avoiding the rocks
of personal destruction
that stand
at the bottom like jagged teeth
waiting to consume me.

live your words
or do not speak them.

Do or just don't...

how dare you
feed me raw untruth
and try to masquerade
it as a delicacy?

why squander the air
it takes to utter
pretty lies?

don't waste your breath.

i'm saving my heart,
for something worthy.

they say that familiarity
breeds contempt...

i know
than you know

© Tanya Anguita