All photos and content © Tanya Anguita.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

ghost in my skin

i feel like a ghost
trapped in my own skin
bound by this strange husk
that i am forced to stay in.

when night comes i want nothing more
than to leap from this cage
and fly to the moon
where, cold and clear-eyed, i will
watch the earth spin down below.

i am not alive
and yet i breathe
my heart hollowed out
by your callous words.

why can't you love me
and set me free
from this horror of skin and bone

breathe warmth into
the space where my heart
once beat
and remind me again
that love is not cruel
and that i
was no fool
for loving you.

© Tanya Anguita

if you live them

from the chaos of my spirit come these truths
i am whole
i am divine
i am perfect
i want
i love
i desire
i feel
i embrace
i choose


and yet


you speak with a tawdry tongue.
that twists and taunts;
it tangles words into pretty pictures with no substance,
then ties them with bows that were never raveled to begin with.

words only matter if you live them
theory is just that
wake up, beloved,
and live the love you so delight in discussing
but are too afraid to experience

© Tanya Anguita

Monday, March 29, 2010


From deep within I hear a cry
That sings beneath the rainy sky

It sings of hope and love and glory
Of happy endings for each story.

Of longings rich and rare and fervent
Of bodies arched and whispers urgent

The meaning is what matters here
The song itself? It has no fear

It says "I love because I love and for no other reason
I love because I have to love, in this and every season

I want, I need, I have, I give and give so much again
I never turn away from love, for love is worth all pain.

I'm brave, I'm true, I have the strength and have done from the start
I wonder, Love, if you do too, do you have a brave heart?"

And then the song, it quiets down and gentle hums this tune
"Come kiss me, Sweet. Stop running scared! Kiss me beneath the moon."

And so I laugh, embrace myself and know that I am strong
For my true heart has loved again and will my whole life long.

For I am not afraid of love and therein lies my strength
I never run away from love or hold it at arm's length.

I love with a heart that's pure, and this can be attested.
My love shines out, just like a light, I am love manifested.

© Tanya Anguita

never the same way twice

there is a longing that is lost in the past
wrapped in ghosts and memory
tied up with the bow of your hurts and
bound by sorrow and youth.

you wish for that longing now
in me
a woman
who stands here before you
in the flesh
asking you to love her

you do not long for me
and therefore
you do not love

or so you claim

i say
how can you long
for that which you will not touch
or touch
what you are not brave enough
to try for

you want me
you like me
you seek me out
you laugh with me
you enjoy me

and you turn from me
because you do not "long" for me
as you might have for her...

we never love the same way twice

© Tanya Anguita

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Ac-cent-tchu-ate the Positive #40 -- 3/17/10

It has been a while since I've done this. Sometimes my a.d.d. gets the better of me in terms of these kinds of practices. I go all "squirrel" about them and suddenly I'm standing on the edge of a precipice about a bunch of things in my life and I think to myself..."oh ... duh...I haven't been writing down my gratitudes" and subsequently I find myself having an "I forget" day about how much good is in my world. And there is so so so so so so SO much good. Did I mention SO much? SO MUCH!

How on earth do I lose sight of how blessed I am you ask? I mean it is so obvious that my life is filled with juicy goodness, right? The answer is that I'm human. Fallible. I get lost in my own stuff too. I really do live a life of positivity most of the time but some days I forget. I forget that I'm surrounded by love and acceptance. I forget that I'm rich in friendship and life experiences. I forget that I'm cloaked in a very beautiful life that is full of laughter and affection and love and truth and generosity. I forget that I have a strong, healthy, sensuous body that allows me to do all sorts of amazing things. I forget that I have a graceful home to live in. I forget that I am lucky to be me. I am a little embarrassed to admit it, but I, quite simply, forget.

When that happens I find that writing these helps me immeasurably because I then have a tangible reminder of why I'm so joyful so much of the time. The act of writing it all out reminds me to be joyful. And I really am joyful so much of the time these days. For which, I am thankful. (Ahem... See how this works, Tanya? Ta-da! LOL!)

So yes, I'm thankful for so very much in my life. I am lucky to be the me that I am. I am blessed to have all of you in my life. I am grateful for your love, support, friendship, and never-ending generosity towards me. I do not take you for granted. I really do not.

So now, without further ado, I sing my gratitudes for:

1) Remembering to do this today. I need it. I'm so thankful for this amazing tool I've discovered. It places me back squarely on the path of happiness and contentment most every time, and for that I'm so very grateful. It is hard to feel glum in the face of so many things that I get to be thankful for.

2) For time with my mom this past weekend. Always thankful for that.

3) For the beauty and joy of Chris and Jen's wedding, and for getting to be Best Man in it. Watching two people I love so deeply decide to marry for all of the right reasons and with so much clarity made and makes my heart incredibly happy and hopeful. Happy for them. Hopeful for them. Happy for me. Hopeful for me. It was a fun wedding with laughter and sweetness, sassiness and glee, and lots and lots of love all mingled together perfectly. Congratulations Dear Ones! I love you both so very much!

4) The amazing people I got to meet during the course of the varied wedding festivities. So delicious. Thank you all for being so warm and welcoming! :)

5) Chi. Chi! CHI! I can't believe I get to come and see you in NYC on Friday because of your impulsiveness and generosity! I also can't believe that you got a wild hair to send me a scanner. You crazy, amazing, wonderful woman! Friends since 4th grade and thank the stars for that fact! I can not WAIT to hug you!

6) Being reminded that some tough choices I've made in my life were good ones. Difficult, but good. Phew.

7) My surrogate Aunt Barbara. She is not related by blood, but by the bond of love and by the remarkable friendship she shares with my mother. Her name is Barbara Felton and she is an amazing woman. She was my most constant and favorite surrogate aunt growing up. Dynamic, graceful, classy, beautiful, witty, vibrant and funny -- she shared her love with me and stories about her rather remarkable life. She had Lauren Bacall beauty and Katharine Hepburn spunkiness and I adore her. At 85 she's developing senile dementia and has recently moved to a senior living center in Sonoma. My mother and I went to visit her in a senior center on Saturday and it was so very painful to see her there. Barbara was always a force of nature. Now she is frail and her mind isn't all there. Her humor showed itself during our time with her and that was a true blessing to see. I love her. I always have. I always will. I'm so thankful to and for her remarkable presence in my life and for helping me to grow into the woman I am today. I'm thankful for her. I'm thankful for all of these years I've had with her. I'm thankful I've gotten to know her my whole life and I'm thankful that she exists. Sometimes, it takes a big change for one to spend the minutes it takes to write down the thankfulness...and this? This senile can f-ing go straight to hell...but Barbara? I know she's in there ... and I love her...always...with all my heart. I love her am so very grateful to and for her. Yep. I love her.

8) Inger -- because. Thank you for being who you are and who you have always been. Thank goodness for AZ Faire all those years ago. :) I love you so!

9) Flowers in my house. They make me so happy. What a joy!

10) Hard days to remind me how good the good ones are. Yep. Sometimes, much as I hate to admit it, I need to have the rough days too.

11) For the amazingness that is all of you. Truly. This is the biggest gift of all in my life. The precious, amazing, brilliant, talented, funny, kind, wry, goofy, loving, generous, incredible, remarkable, beautiful friends that I am so very blessed to have in my world. Thank you! Truly...thank you.

There are too many specifics for me to write them all, so please just read #11 and know that you're included. Yep. I love you. So much. And am so thankful to and for each and every one of you.

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Sunday, March 7, 2010

A Life Delicious

There is life,
and then there is
a life delicious.

A life delicious
is lived
by sinking your Self
into it,
all the way
to your soul.

A life delicious
is savored,
rolled around on your tongue;
flavored generously
with appreciation and thankfulness,
stirred with laughter and glee;
sprinkled with clarity and
filled with love and friendship.

A life delicious
overflows with generosity,
percolates with gentleness
bubbles over with patience,;
Is awash in kindness
and is vibrant with light.

A life delicious
bathes you in glory,
robes you in integrity
dresses you in joy
and sends you out into the world
with quiet strength
and a smile in your heart.

A life delicious
is there for the taking,
if you choose to recognize it,
in every moment
of every single day.

Sink into it
Revel in it
You are capable of it
We all are.

A life delicious
Taste it
It is yours....

© Tanya Anguita

Valentine's Day Sunset