All photos and content © Tanya Anguita.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Another Chance to get it Right

Full Moon has me up again
When I should be asleep;
All the doubtful, hateful thoughts
Into my psyche creep.
In Motherhood's clear mirror
Is a harsh and cruel reflection,
Filled with unkind, fearful thoughts
And glaring imperfection.
Black Dog wanders close to me
Pressed up against my leg.
Artemis's darker side
Takes me down a peg.
She used to make me brazen, warm;
To magnify my boldness.
I know Her fullness better now,
I'm Sister to Her coldness.
Instead of strength and fearlessness,
I'm wracked with doubt and worry.
Wound tighter than an 8 day clock,
I'm always in a hurry.
I feel like I am over-strung,
A bow that's pulled too tight.
The Lady Moon just magnifies
All that isn't right.
I've lost my way this moonlit night
So aimlessly I roam
I wander, fearful, in the dark
I can't find my way home.
I love Her still and gaze on Her
With Unrequited love,
While hoping that She'll send a
Fleeting smile from above.
Or grant me Grace where I have none --
A gesture made of kindness.
Her glacial glow a soothing balm -
A light to cure my Blindness.
I'd like to lay these frightful thoughts
Forever on a shelf;
To see in the Moon's Glory
The kindest version of my Self.
I want to see her Harvest-Strength -
She's Maiden, Mother, Crone -
To find in Her a brighter, truer
Image of my Own.
So here I am, Her supplicant,
Bathing in her light,
Naked in my honesty,
A wingless bird in flight.
Writing out this crazy prayer
Under a cloudless sky
While learning how to glide and dip -
If not exactly fly.
As long as I don't hit the ground
In blazing, flaming glory,
I have the chance to daily write
A new part of my story.
So maybe that's the lesson
On this Moonful, thoughtful night -
That every minute is
Another Chance to get it Right.
Thank you Lovely Luna
For the lessons that you teach,
Even on the harsher nights
When you feel out of reach.
I think that I'll repeat myself
Because it soothes my soul:
Every minute is another chance
To make One whole.
I think that that's my lesson
On this Moonful, Thoughtful Night -
That Every minute is
Another Chance to get it Right.

(c) Tanya Anguita

Friday, June 20, 2014

Black Dog

Black Dog
gnawing at my soul tonight.
Can't get out
from under the weight
of its heavy jaw
which is wrapped
around the tender confines
of my weary heart.

I am out of resources,
out of joy,
and at a loss
for where to find them.

The Ol' Red Shoes
are dancing me
relentlessly around the room
these days
to a never-ending loop
of the Song of Despair
while my heart
bleeds out
through my raw soul
on a glass-strewn dance floor
in a hostile bar
called "Life."

I'm drowning on land,
choking on dirt and earthly matter(s)
Swallowing my filthy pride
in gulps of rubble and grime.

Oh how I'd like to sink into the mire,
settle into the loam below,
and stop fighting
the "good" fight.

Every gesture
(in the attempt to keep afloat)
feels like
cloaked in
in a never-ending trek

I have nothing left
to offer
and I'm too tired
to care.

I used to think that
was my due.

I thought that
was something
I would always find.

I believed that
was boundless;
was not fleeting.

is replete,
eats away at me,
Impatience and Resentment
are poisoning my thoughts,
and my actions.

My account at the
Give a Fuck Bank
is almost empty...
save for the few pennies
rattling around
in the rusty bottom
of the worn tin can
of loving care
I'm rabidly guarding
to share with
the beautiful child
it is my job
and my blessing
to raise.

It feels like not enough tonight
and I'm scared.

(c) Tanya Anguita
June 20, 2014