All photos and content © Tanya Anguita.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Black Dog

Black Dog
gnawing at my soul tonight.
Can't get out
from under the weight
of its heavy jaw
which is wrapped
around the tender confines
of my weary heart.

I am out of resources,
out of joy,
and at a loss
for where to find them.

The Ol' Red Shoes
are dancing me
relentlessly around the room
these days
to a never-ending loop
of the Song of Despair
while my heart
bleeds out
through my raw soul
on a glass-strewn dance floor
in a hostile bar
called "Life."

I'm drowning on land,
choking on dirt and earthly matter(s)
Swallowing my filthy pride
in gulps of rubble and grime.

Oh how I'd like to sink into the mire,
settle into the loam below,
and stop fighting
the "good" fight.

Every gesture
(in the attempt to keep afloat)
feels like
cloaked in
in a never-ending trek

I have nothing left
to offer
and I'm too tired
to care.

I used to think that
was my due.

I thought that
was something
I would always find.

I believed that
was boundless;
was not fleeting.

is replete,
eats away at me,
Impatience and Resentment
are poisoning my thoughts,
and my actions.

My account at the
Give a Fuck Bank
is almost empty...
save for the few pennies
rattling around
in the rusty bottom
of the worn tin can
of loving care
I'm rabidly guarding
to share with
the beautiful child
it is my job
and my blessing
to raise.

It feels like not enough tonight
and I'm scared.

(c) Tanya Anguita
June 20, 2014

1 comment:

  1. I probably shouldn't enjoy this so much when it's so triggering of my depression and anxiety, but I do. It's wonderful. It is powerful in its images and exactly invokes many of my dark moments. Thank you.


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