Closure

You tasted of vanilla
and moon beams,
Shone
like the
Summer sun
And
         I
  f
      e
           l
               l
into
the
Abyss
of your charisma
And almost drowned
In your seductive words
And easy charm.

I
was under water
and
over my head
 with you.

Because
your wit
played well with mine.

And
our wordlove
intertwined
At all
the right intersections.

Sentences made out in dark alleys
And laughed against each other
 with wild abandon in public

And
    I
  Leaned
into your quicksilver tongue
Thinking all those
 slippery words
 meant something.

I was
starving
for a like mind
 and you
filled all of that hunger
        and more.

You sated my mind
 and starved my body
and I
couldn't differentiate wordplay
   from foreplay.

That was my failing and my undoing.

I see that now.

I wanted
And
you Said
you wanted
 but never acted.

And the words ...
 Oh...the Words...
they held All the keys
 to my locked up desires
and
   I
       Believed
 with all the zealous fervency
born of hope
fueled by mixed messages
and actions that belied a truth
I didn't want to see.

We should have
stayed
 what we were really becoming
---  the best of friends.

But your words
spoke of Desire
And my desires
 then spoke Words
And
some things
broke
 in the middle
 (including my tender heart).

 At the time
 I blamed you for using me ill.

Since then,
I have had time to think
...and have come to fathom
 the Truth.

You loved the Idea
 me
--The laugh and banter
    Ease of me.

And I
 Thought
   I loved You.

And our Brains --
Our word-happy,
 quick-witted
    Brains...
They danced together.
They were bosom companions.
They delighted in each other's
swiftness and in the match they found
In the other.


Mine still misses yours
But
with more clarity now.

I hope
you can forgive me
for believing your
sex-charged words
 instead of seeing them
 for
the continuation
of the verbal tango
 that made us such fast friends.

Because I can see now
 that That is what they were.

And what We
   were meant to be.

6/24/17
For E...written the night before he died.