Random Limerick Penned on a Wednesday : )

The oft-humourous verse called a Limerick
Has 5 lines, some must rhyme, which is quite a trick
One rhymes first, second and 5th,
and the 3rd and 4th with pith
for a clever pentad with a verbal tick.

© Tanya Anguita

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #59 -- 1/25/11

Today I'm thinking about Health. Today I'm thinking about health and how lucky I am most of the time. My relatively good health is something that I don't take for granted at the best of times, and after being ill for 2 weeks...and only for 2 weeks, I'm somewhere beyond grateful for it.

On just the other side of 12 days of fever and yuck, I can unequivocally state how thankful I am that it was ONLY that long. I'm still weak and still very, very tired, but I am feeling SO much better and it makes me deeply and truly thankful for the rest of the days in my life when I am healthy. So thankful. Did I mention that I do not take this for granted.

I lose sight so often of the positive when I'm unhealthy whether it be emotionally, physically, psychically, or fiscally. I forget how much good there is in my life when those things loom and consume...and then I dig in and remember my gratitude. I remember to look for all of the good that IS instead bemoaning of all good that ISN'T and I feel so much better. *grin*

You know...I have such lofty plans whenever I write these to write them more often...to be more disciplined somehow about writing them regularly. I find myself thinking "I should just..." and then I never do, and I end up feeling like a failure for "not", and that just seems to defeat the purpose.

So today, I'm catching my unhealthy thought patterns. Instead, I hereby give myself the ongoing permission to write these whenever I feel like it...or whenever I need to...or whenever the mood strikes me...and I'm going to remove the awful "shoulds" and "musts" and "why don't I justs" from the whole picture. Go me! *grin*

So today I sing my gratitudes for:

1) Being on the mend.

2) Being relatively healthy most of the time.

3) Catching my unhealthy thought patterns and doing something about them.

4) Home made chicken soup and healing tea from Holly...delivered to my doorstep with love while I was ill. I don't know how to express how touching and beautiful this gesture is to me....but trust me when I say that I was and am deeply moved. Thank you. :)

5) Michelle for her gentle nudgings to try Projected 365 again. I've given myself permission to call it Project Three Sixty Whenever and am not being stringent with the rules of it, but I never would have done it this year if it hadn't been for her urging, and her belief in me, and I am finding that even though I feel resistant to the process, I need it. I want to grow as a photographer and this is a really good way to go about it. Whether I'm feeling particularly confident about myself or not. *wry smile*

6) Happy face emoticons. I should be thankful for them. I use them enough. *grin* :)

7) Smiling. As one of my favorite t-shirts says "Smiling is my favorite" and y'know...YAY! :)

8) This...because how can you not be thankful for Harry Belafonte and Animal doing a drum war? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TaXCQ_wZidU

9) Katie & Michael...for being Katie & Michael. For graciously and generously allowing me space in their home these months, for patience and laughter and understanding, for fantastic meals together and delicious conversations, for fun outings and sappy BBC sightings on the sofa, for love and the true meaning of chosen family. Thank you both! I love you!

10) Quiet flirtations that mutually bolster but aren't going anywhere. Sometimes those are really nice. Today a friend brought me a bag of candy as part of an ongoing quiet, go nowhere flirtation...and it was just what my soul needed today. A little boost, an extra smile...and it isn't loaded and it is safe and it isn't going to be anything else beyond a quiet flirtation...and that? Is just fine.

11) When plans don't work out and I'm exhausted so I'm actually relieved. :) Like tonight.

12) Recognizing that I'm too wiped out to even do something as mind numbing as go to the movies and honoring that.

13) Deciding that it is ok to go to sleep early tonight. Kind of excited about it actually

14) It has been a month but I was busy editing photos while sick and looking at my holiday photos made me happy. It was so magical to have Christmas with my family at home this year. It was good for my heart and excellent for my soul. I am so lucky to both love and like my family. So so lucky. Hooray!

15) I'm glad and grateful that I made the time on Sunday to go to storage and take a lot of stuff that I didn't need out of the room I'm staying in. It makes it easier to breathe in here now and I come home and walk in the door with a smile on my face.

An Apertif to Insomnia

The Moon,
crisp and cool
in the Winter-clear sky,
is bright enough
to read my soul by.

Siren-like,
She sings seductively
through my veins.

Shining her light on my weariness,
she is the harbinger
of over-active thought.

She comes bearing a riot of the spirit
this January night
without the option to politely decline.

Ready or not,
She has Something to say.

I am ill-prepared
to honor the hidden words
hemmed into the lining
of Psyche's silken skirts tonight.

I am not ready to claim the truths,
woven into her delicate white petticoats;
embroidered there with the thread
of blood and consequence.

But she is alive in me.

Coy and coquettish,
She offers harsh queries on moonsilver trays
as an aperitif to insomnia.

Deep and devilish,
She delivers my discontent gift-wrapped;
neatly tied up with well-honed beams of truth to top it off.

She will not be dispelled.
There can be no peace.

All I want tonight
is sanity and slumber,
but Sleep,
my old illusive friend,
will not come this moon-full night
to comfort me.

She has hidden him,
once again,
in the ever-shifting pattern
of the stars.

And Sanity?
Well...
Sanity left me long ago
in a lovers' tiff
along the shores
of my oft-broken heart.

And I?
I am left alone
at the witching hour
to find peace with my unrest.

The Moon,
crisp and cool
in the Winter-clear sky,
is bright enough
to read my soul by...

© Tanya Anguita

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #58 -- 12/29/10

Until last week, it had been so long since I'd written anything that I'd begun to worry that I'd forgotten how.

Everything has been about "busy" these past couple of months.

Busy trying to find a place to live.
Busy packing.
Busy moving.
Busy dealing with health concerns.
Busy rehearsing.
Busy working.
Busy with Dickens Fair.
Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy...

And somewhere in there, I began to be frightened that I'd misplaced my Muse, and I was really missing her. I was scared that I'd lost my writer's voice and I was pining for it. I think I'm finding it again and thank goodness for that. Without it I feel lost and lonely...disoriented and directionless.

It soothes me to write. It lets the howling demons out and releases them to the wilderness outside of my soul. It gives me solace and relief. It quiets the internal landscape, leaving it greener, and more luscious with a chorus of simple birdsong and trickling creeks as the soundtrack instead of the tempest that sometimes brews in my mind, threatening to consume me.

Writing allows me to process ancient hurts and fresh thankfulness. To work through the scar tissue and to heal fresh wounds. It gives me leave to put my joys and sorrows somewhere outside of me so that I can more clearly think. It is the channel to my most honest self and it stills the noise that can become so deafening when I'm struggling.

I wrote a piece a few days ago that was fraught with hurt and anger. Old hurts from the summer of 2009 had come to the forefront rather suddenly and were banging on the walls of my psyche. I had to write the piece. I had little choice. It came out of nowhere and sideswiped me as I sat down at my computer. It was brutal and pain filled and it wanted out...NOW...urgently and with a force that was overwhelming. I had little choice but to write it or be eaten by it. I chose the former.

It is interesting, isn't it, to find out that hurts we think we've dealt with, healed from, passed through, are still lurking in strange corners of our emotional memory...waiting there in the dark with sharpened teeth to bite us when we least expect it?

I am not fond of these surprise attacks, but I would rather have those feelings pour out of me and onto paper, than in me...gnawing on my spirit.

I have a lot to be thankful for tonight, but I'm tired so will keep it short. To that end, I sing my gratitudes as follows:

1) I am deeply thankful for the ability to pour my thoughts and emotions out onto paper. For the gift of written release. For the still place that I go to when I write, and for the clarity and relief the written word gift me with.

2) I'm thankful for the light and the dark that live inside of me. Both help me to be the person I am, and to write the way that I do.

3) On some odd level, I realized tonight that I'm thankful for the insight my depression affords me. It makes me more patient and more compassionate. I've seen and lived in the basement of my soul and can therefor understand, on some level, the struggles of others in my life. Without it, I'm not sure that I would be able to understand with an open heart the sorrows of others.

4) Cups of tea and true conversation with dear friends. Makes my soul sing. Thank you, Laura. :)

5) Photographic learning curves. Spent the day trying to photograph jewelry for my dear friend, Joshua. I learned a lot, and hope that I got some shots that will be usable for him. His Etsy site is here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/lioncraftstudio

6) A warm place to sleep on a cold winter night. I do not take this for granted and I am So thankful. So very thankful.

7) Not having to go to work tomorrow.

8) Having time to edit a couple of photos from my March trip to NYC. See below. :)

8) Wanting to keep writing these but knowing that I need to sleep and being smart enough to recognize that. Hee hee!

Good night! :)

Why yes, that is Anubis on a barge heading towards Manhattan. Why do you ask? *grin*


Yep. :)


The hand of Liberty.

Liberty's Backside

tattered

you have abandoned me
without a word

your silence is a scream of disdain--
disrespectful;
a cruel coldness
on a winter night

godspeed wherever you are.
i wish you comfort

my heart strains to hear yours
over the rift in my soul,
waiting like a deaf hound
for the command that will never come

godspeed wherever you are.
i wish you joy.

my comprehension of your actions,
like the coat of a newly-shot dead man,
is tattered,
full of holes.

my hurts coagulate around each
open wound where the
smoking pistol of your unkindness
dug into my tender heart
right before you pulled the trigger.

godspeed wherever you are.
i wish you contentment.

i used to think you kind and beautiful;
incapable of intentional meanness,
gentle in your entirety,
and good

now i see i was mistaken

you are, instead,
gifted in the art of passive heartlessness,
a bard well-versed in the song of the damning,
who has left me
haunted,
removed,
sorrowful,
alone,
damaged and done.

godspeed wherever you are.
i wish you love.

© Tanya Anguita

The Moon Wore Red

The Moon puts on a little red dress
and heads out to light up the night.

Slinky in scarlet and sensuous,
she's flirting with the midnight stars,
shaking her winter hips
as she dances circles
around the Storm Cloud's
ineffectual minions;
laughing merrily
at their pathetic attempts
to cover her shining beauty.

A sultry smile lights her
half-shadowed face
as she glides across the sparkling floor
of the Mid-Winter sky.

She hasn't felt this sexy since 1648
and no one is going to ruin it for her tonight.

Sauntering up to the bar,
she orders a round of Longest Nights
for everyone in the Northern Hemisphere,
gives a Red-Dress-on-a-Solstice-Night-shimmy
and welcomes in the New Year
by belting out the 12-bar-blues version
of "Welcome Yule"
to her waiting fans
as she toasts their tenacity
after a long, hard year.

The Devil may wear a blue dress, my friends,
but tonight the Moon wore red.

© Tanya Anguita

Arrows of Clarity

Arrows of clarity
are hurled across the bow of a ship
called Your Resistance;
shot there
to pierce your bound up heart.

Darts of openness
are flung across the hull
in an attempt to crack the hardened shell
that keeps Love out.

Broken by brokenness,
what you want most is healing.

Throw your anger overboard!
It no longer serves you.

Release the coiled anguish
that is tangled,
like so much matted twine,
around the coral reef of your heart!

Extricate the venom of all-consuming hurt
that encases your willingness
like a shroud,
and spit it out
like the vile poison that it is!

Untwist the distorted,
pain-filled knot
that binds you to your fears;
holding you down while you drown in them!

Unravel the restraints
that keep you tied
to the cracked and crumbling mast
of the role of observer
which distances you
from any real feelings;
keeps you separate
from your life.

Find your honesty.
It is the life jacket that will rescue you.

Own your truth.
It is the lighthouse that will guide you.

Allow yourself to climb,
exhausted,
into the waiting lifeboat
of hard earned happiness.

Kick against the crashing waves
of your self-destructive habits.

Decide that you are tired
of choking on the the roiling waters
of your deepest sorrows.

Make obeisance
to any god that will listen
and believe
in your ability to swim.

© Tanya Anguita