All photos and content © Tanya Anguita.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #65 -- June 29, 2011

Writing my Gratitudes, like any form of exercise done right, brings nothing but good.  Like dancing or yoga or walking, writing my Gratitudes gets me in shape, tones my mind and soul, brings good energy to the forefront and calms my spirit because I’m DOING something.  Yoda had it right:  There is no try, only do.  *wry grin*

I need this kind of forward motion in all arenas of my life.  I need it mentally, physically, spiritually & emotionally.  Writing these helps me when I feel like I'm going creatively and emotionally (brace yourself for unfortunate word) flabby. 

(Ugh...”flabby” now officially goes on my list of unpleasant words along with "moist", “flaccid”, “puberty” and “panties”.  God help you if you put all of them together! *snork*)

At any rate, the only way to strengthen my writing muscles is to work them out.  I need to stretch them and use them for them to become strong and pliable, and so, here I am.  I’m stretching, doing mental yoga, and starting to take the mental stairs several times a week.  Phew!  Someone bring me a glass of water! J

I get so removed from myself sometimes that it is hard to hear me.  I keep so busy that I don’t actually have time to listen to my soul singing.  I’m so busy saying “yes” to other people that I forget to say “yes” to my small inner voice.  And you know something?  I want to hear it.  I need to hear it.  Call it my soul, my muse, my inner truth…call it a combination of all three…I need time to sit and be, and to be in nature alone.  I’ve been unkind to myself about taking and making that time. 

I find over and over again that I don’t know how to balance my life between being social and taking recovery time.  I love other people so much. I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t want to be lonely. And sometimes I, quite frankly, don’t want to face my inner workings, but I NEED to!  Then there is the fact that I miss my friends so I make plans and plans and plans and did I mention plans?  I’m so incredibly wealthy in my friendships that I want to continue to cultivate them.  I just don’t know how to find the still time I also need. 

I recognize again that one of my greatest failings is I can only live at extremes in terms of my schedule.  What I mean by this is that it seems that I can be completely busy, or completely still, but that I don’t know how to do is to find a balance between the two.  Ah Libra-hood. ;)

When I add to that the need to write, to edit photos, to make music, to dance, and to take care of those things like doing laundry and paying bills and eating, I find myself really at a loss for how to carve out time for stillness, for listening to my soul and for navel contemplation….and I really like navel contemplation.  *wry smile*

So here I am, stealing a few moments from my job, typing this at my office…(yes, in Word first)…and trying to figure my shite out as the phone rings, and people come by with questions about things I, quite frankly, do not care about.  I hate doing this type of work and keep trying to figure out what I’m doing next, and I find myself reminding myself immediately upon typing that last bit that I am, in fact, still very thankful to be employed in these crazy times and I am forcing myself to not add a qualifier to that.  I am thankful to be employed in these crazy times.  Yep. 

So let me start singing my gratitudes with something I may have to keep reminding myself of regularly for a while:

1)      I am thankful to be employed in these crazy times.  I do not take it for granted.  I am thankful for the freedom that having a job affords me.  I’m thankful that I have health benefits.  I am thankful that I can pay my bills.  I am thankful that I am employed.  Yes, yes I am. 

2)      I am sorry to have a friend cancel on me this evening and incredibly thankful to now have the evening to myself.

3)      I’m thankful that I’ve finally figured out how to get myself to drink enough water during the work day. I feel so much better when I do.

4)      I love the ease with which I can convert my work desk from a sitting desk to a standing one, and how much more energy and focus I have these days because of that set up. 

5)      Hooray for the sun coming out this afternoon.  I think after hula hoping I may go for a walk.  Yummm!

6)      Discovering the photography meetups in the Bay Area and the monthly, often free lectures that happen through these.  Hooray for more forward movement.

7)      The soreness that comes from exercise.  I love being muscle tired.  It reminds me that I’m alive, that I’m doing something good for my body and in this case, that I’m ALLOWED to do something exercise-ish after so long without it.  It reminds me that I’m doing healthy things for me and that I’m working towards getting back in shape.  Hooray!

8)      Houseplants are wonderful.  I love having wee living things to care for and to watch grown.  I have several at my desk (which I guess actually makes them office plants, but hey!) and they make me smile every day.

9)      A small splash of juice in a large glass of water.  Tasty and refreshing without all of the extra sugar & calories!

10)  The ability to find joy in the small things.  Interestingly, this is a rather huge thing to be thankful for.  J  And I am.  Ta-da!

11)  Delivery food. Even when it isn’t terrific, it still feels a little decadent. J

12)  Painting my toenails…even if I should have my girl card pulled for how badly I do it.  *snork*

13)  Chatting with Anni.  Always a blessing.  Always and in all ways. YAY!

14)  Going to bed at a reasonable hour.

15)  Not doing anything I *should* do tonight and just doing what I want to. 

16) And um...this:    Thank you, Richard! :)

Hooray for it all! Hooray I say!  Hoooooraaaaaay!

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