Sleep

Oh Sleep...
Elusive Sleep,
Come,
Visit me.
I long
for your touch
in the too dark night.

Whisper in my ear
the song of your seduction.
Embrace me in your willing arms.
Kiss me senseless.
Sink your teeth
into my waiting flesh
and
Give me sweet release.
Meet me in my desire
Match me in my need
Pin me to the covers
and take me.

Oh Sleep...
Elusive Sleep,
Come,
Visit me.
I long
for your touch
in the too dark night.

© Tanya Anguita

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #34 -- 11/20/09

Hmmm....I'm feeling up-in-the-airish tonight. I'm still sitting in so many maybes and almosts in my life right now...and I'm not so fond of or good at limbo. It isn't where I'm comfortable...I like forward movement...action...and limbo is rubbing wrong against my spirit.

I am feeling a little bit conflicted, mired in uncertainty, and slightly baffled by the sudden onset of a mood tainted a subtle shade of indigo. A case of the blues? Nope, not really....more like a small glass of it....but still, there is a little bit of azure on all of my emotional laundry tonight and I'm thinking some thankfulness might be the bleach my soul needs to get those feelings clean and shiny again. :)

So with out further preamble tonight, my gratitudes include:

1) Watching others write daily gratitudes this month. It is really nice to see and I'm so glad that people are able to remind themselves of their small and large joys on a daily basis. Plus it is an excellent reminder to embrace my own thankfulness. I really think positive thinking is something that has to become habit...I can attest to that from my own experience...and gratitude really is an amazing reminder of why I can and should be positive in my life. Not false positivity...but the kind that comes from realizing how blessed I truly am on a regular basis. It is incredible what a difference this has made for me in how I feel about most everything. I feel like I've gained perspective and strength from feeding the part of my soul that is grateful...and boy...what an amazing thing that can be. Hooray for gratitude. :) Hooray!

2) Ryowa Ramen House sesame ramen. Yum. Ryowa is this funny little ramen house on University Ave...and they make yummy soup....in bowls bigger than your head...and it is tastilicious! Tonight the 5ish year old daughter of one of the cooks and I played with her strawberry shortcake stamp until the food came. It was a lovely way to wait. :)

3) The incredible generosity of my friends. People keep offering couches to me should I not find a place to live this month and I'm so thankful to and for you all. An enormous thanks to Amy and Katie in particular. I truly don't know what I'd do without the two of you sometimes. THANK YOU!

4) Knowing that I have next week off to pack, sort housing out, and get ready for Dickens Fair. Phew...I love it when I'm smart!

5) The gift of connection and re-connection that Facebook keeps giving me. Funny thing this site...it definitely has some frustrating quirks....but has some really excellent aspects as well and for that I'm thankful. :)

6) Homemade Oatmeal Cookies. Yum!

7) Clean sheets. I love the feeling of getting into clean sheets. It is a simple decadence and it makes me happy. Mmmm...clean sheets.

8) Lists...they help me track things....and with my wiring...lists are a great thing.

9) Clever and moving lyricists who are able to express things far more gracefully than I seem to be capable of. Hooray for good songwriters.

10) The wealth of incredible writers I have in my life...and their willingness to share their writing with me. So much creativity and yum! Thank you for being inspirational!

Yep...finding gratitude really can shift my attitude...and hooray for that. I feel all shiny and clean now.

And on that note, I bid you all a sweet good night!

because we can...

hope sings a song
in the still of night.
her voice soft and lilting,
strong and sultry,
sinuous
as it
wreaths our hearts
in the promise of possibility.

longing tattoos a message
in invisible ink
on our waiting skin.
her hand eloquent and exquisite,
artful and appetent,
supple
as she
sets story to flesh
in the quiet before dawn.

faith is hope's sister
and she
is the act
of choosing to believe
the tune that hope swings
as she saunters down the street.

desire is longing's mirror
and she
is the act
of choosing to embrace
what we read
in the indelible ink
that longing
blithely sinks
into our aching souls...

and we?
we sit here
with hope and faith
longing and desire
and laugh
and live
and love..

because we have to
because we want to
because we need to
because we can...

© Tanya Anguita

© Tanya Anguita

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #33 -- 11/06/09

Singing the gratitudes. Singing, Singing, SINGING the gratitudes. La-la-laaaaaaaa

It is an exciting but slightly muddied time in my life. There are lots of in-betweens and almosts and maybes happening for me. Transitions. Shifts. Growth. All good things, sometimes complex, lots of uncertainties...and mostly I'm excited about all of it....today, however, it has been giving me waves of feeling a little off balance and I think it is time to remind myself of the things I'm thankful for.

So without further ado, today's gratitudes include:

1) Rainbows....I got to see rainbows last night on my way into the City. Somehow, they never lose their magic for me. The 5 year old that is so-very-present in my soul gets jump-up-and-down excited every single time I see one. I feel like I get to breathe life in just a little more richly every time I'm lucky enough to see that remarkable play of colour, water and light splashed across the sky. Hooray for rainbows.

2) Haircuts ... hadn't had one since July. I really feel like I get lighter and happier after I've had a haircut. Cutting the dead bits away and leaving healthy happy curls behind. I think I left a small woodland creature on the floor of the salon last night. Hee hee!

3) Scintillating conversation and brilliant dialogue. Yum!

4) Laughter with Carma last night. Secret Goat, 47 Strings & Ned, and A.D.D. Theater indeed! 28 years of friendship and counting! HOORAY! Thank you!

5) Dancing again. Dancing Again. Dancing Again. Can't wait for Capoeira again on Monday. So happy to be dancing cancan with Bijou again this year too. Loving the feeling of my heart pounding life through my veins and the ache of well used muscles. Loving it! So much fun! Did I mention, loving it? Yep....loving it!

6) Writing. Discovering writing again. I did it a lot when I was younger and over the years it got tucked behind all of the other things in my life, but I've found it again in the past few months, and I'm so happy to be doing it. It is such a blessing for my spirit. It gives me solace, offers me a respite, and allows me to communicate my thoughts and feelings in a much more articulate way than I might otherwise...kind of like um... this Fine Print . Yep...hooray for writing again. Just...yay!

7) Whatever switch that finally flipped with 40. I wake up these days and I truly like myself. 95% of the time, I like myself, I believe in myself and I feel the blessed weight of my own worth. It is such a refreshing and miraculous feeling after so many years of self-doubt. Thank goodness for that switch. May it remain in the On position. :)

11/5/09 -- I love the rain

2/17/09 -- Rain Melt

2/17/09 -- Rearview

8) Rain...I love rain. Hooray for water coming from the sky.

9) Not coughing every 2 minutes. I'm so thankful for this. After a month of coughing daily, I think it is finally subsiding and I'm SO happy about it. Hooray for not coughing.

10) Virtual puddle fights! HOORAY and thank you for playing! Particular thanks to Marc & Kristin! That was a fun way to spend the afternoon. :)

11) Ladybug rainboots. Nuff said!

12) Water...drinking more of it....feels so good. Seems I'm sleeping more and better when I do so...hooray for that too.

13) Sunsets....so many delicious sunsets...soul soothing, centering, inspiring, glorious and ever-changing sunsets. Here is a small video of the amazing sunset with rainbows from last night: SUNSET

14) Delivery sushi. Yum. I know I've mentioned this before but yum!

And now, I wish you all love and joy!
Thank you for being in my life!
Good night!

Some nights

Some nights
The bed is too empty
To get into alone.

I'd rather lie on the grass
under the full moon
and howl
at her magnificence
than creep
yet again
under
the beckoning covers
and try to find warmth
on my own.

Some nights
The want is too consuming
To lie
To yourself about.

I cannot run from it tonight.
It offers me no hiding place.
I am simply being consumed
in one painful bite.

Some nights
The desire is too daunting
To ignore
In the darkness.

So here I sit,
Huginn & Muninn
perched on my shoulders;
lost in waking dreams
of a lover's caress
at moonrise
and the
rich dark ache that
a well-turned phrase
can leave on one's soul.

I'm teased by thoughts
of breathless whispers,
and the sharp tug
of fingers
tangled in my hair.

I'm fueled by images
of twining limbs,
taut muscles,
and the
scent of skin and satisfaction.

And I'm lonely.
Lonely for
simple touch and
the easy affection
that comes with
knowledge of person and place.

What demon feeds these
thoughts
that taunt me
as midnight
creeps towards me
in this still dark house?

And how,
pray tell,
do I silence it?

© Tanya Anguita

Fine Print

There is a story of longing
written in fine print
at the bottom of our souls.

It's there.
I promise.
Take a look now.
I know you'll find it.

It looks like Joy,
Tastes like Freedom,
Feels like Happiness
Sounds like Laughter.

Do you see it yet?

It weighs everything
and nothing
and sings like a nightingale
that has just found it's voice.

It smells
they say,
like the first rain
on a dry summer day.
Like the crook of your beloved's neck.
Like memory.

Keep looking.

Push back the muddied curtains of fear.
Dig under the heap of past hurts,
Throw out the cloak of cynicism
and
Lean in...
Yes...
Closer.

It might be the secret wish
that wakes you with a
smile in the night.

Or a hand on your face
that you settle
blissfully into.

It could be the body curved
around yours
when you wake from a nightmare
in the early dawn.

Have you found it yet?
No?
Please....
Don't give up.

It might be the smile shared with a stranger,
the touch of a baby's fingers,
or sleep that comes easily.

Mine is written on my heart
and it whispers to me in the
silent times.

If you've lost the decoder ring
for the language it speaks
Sit and talk with me a while
and
I'll remind you of the
ancient texts written
on your spirit
and teach your tongue
to speak again
in the dialects of love.

© Tanya Anguita

Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #32 -- 11/03/09

Thankful
Full of Thanks.
Yep....that about sums it up.

Tonight I have a lot of gratitudes to sing and I don't know where to begin. Some are big and loud and are begging to be let out, and others are quiet and deeply personal and don't need airing.

So tonight, I will simply say thank you and leave you with the full moon to ponder.

Thank you.