diminished

broken down

diminished

i can not find my honor

i know only loneliness
in the isolating winter
that is my soul in pain

the absence of joy -
like a gaping hole in my heart -
consumes me whole;
spitting out the bones of my happiness,
leaving them in the unrelenting sun
to bleach into nothingness.

depression stalks me,
like a rabid predator.

mad with hunger and incapable of mercy,
i can feel its breath at my back;
teeth nipping at my flesh.

i am tempted
so tempted
to let it catch me
and rip me to shreds;

to relax into the awfulness
of its pervasive cruelty;

to give in to that perfect and painless sleep
never to wake again.

there is no light now
only harm and hurt
and the vague sense at my worst
that death might be better than this

but i can not
and i will not
give in to that morbid longing

for of all the acts that can be committed
that is not one of mercy
and
we do not leave
the schoolyard of life so easily.

© Tanya Anguita