5/17/2009 – Ac-Cent-Tchu-Ate the Positive #16

I’ve got a case of the I-don’t-want-the-weekend-to-be-done-Sunday-Night-Blues even though I’m sitting here with my beloved mother and Rob enjoying yet another viewing of “Over the Hedge.” I don’t know why it is so difficult for me to just sit in the moment sometimes. I’m feeling a sense of dread and anxiety and I don’t know how to shake it right now.

I had a really nice weekend. I had a lovely weekend. I had a lovely weekend and yet I’m still wandering around hip deep in stress tonight. I find it rather frustrating that I don’t know how to just sit here and be content right now. Ah well. As I keep saying to friends, and I obviously need to remind myself, “There is really no sense making myself feel bad for feeling bad” so I’m just going to accept that I’m not Princess Perky tonight and move forward.

Perhaps writing my gratitudes will help me to sit in what is good and joyful so here I go:

1) I’m thankful for another weekend in the presence of my beloved mommy.

1/13/09 -- My Beautiful Mommy

What a treat to see her two weekends in a row. I feel so lucky to have time with her. I wish we lived closer to each other because I’d selfishly like to spend much more time with her, but I’m thankful for the time we do spend. I do know that I’m incredibly lucky to have the relationship I do with her.

2) I was lucky enough to be raised by a group of wonderful women that were my mother’s friends and confidantes. These women served as my surrogate aunts and they hold an incredibly important place in my life and my heart. I got to visit with my surrogate Aunt Barbara today.

1/13/09 -- My Beautiful Aunt Barbara on her 84th Birthday

Barbara is 84 years old and is a beautiful, kind, funny, brilliant woman. I love her so very much. I’m so grateful to and for her presence in my life. She has always been loving and supportive and wry and fabulous. She has offered me gentle respite and perspective when I’ve needed it, and she is one of the few people in my “family” who shares my less than “safe” humour. She is an amazing woman. I’m very aware of her aging process these days. I have always felt lucky to have her in my life and these days I feel even more blessed each and every time I get to see her. Today was one of those beautiful and blessed days. I am thankful.

3) I got to see the new “Star Trek” movie last night in Emeryville. It was fun, entertaining, and really well done. I like it when a movie surprises me.

4) Rob and I spent some of today lazing about on the grass at Crissy Field and laughing until it hurt. It was so good. We both needed that. Thank you, Sweetheart!

5) Had a lovely brunch adventure with Holly, Rob and Joshua on Saturday despite the incredibly cranky, bad waitress. *wry smile* So fun to be in the company of such marvelous people. Hooray! More soon please?

6) Went to Sakura Sushi on 26th & Clement today while Rob and I were in the City and had excellent sushi. Michael, the Korean owner/chef, is a wonderful man and it was great to see him again and to have such tasty, fresh, yummy fish. The Sakura Special roll is wrapped in cucumber and it is beautiful as well as fabulously flavorful.

7) I made banana bread tonight. It was fun to do. I love to bake. My whole house smells like baking magic in action. Hooray for baking alchemy.

8) Rob just pointed out that I should be thankful for warm sunshine and cool breezes. I am. It was a very hot day but I was incredibly grateful for the ocean breeze once we got out closer to Ocean Beach. So yes, I am thankful for warm sunshine and cool breezes.

9) Yesterday Katie and Claudia came over on a rather impromptu basis to spend time with my mom, Rob, and me. It was really wonderful to be surrounded by so much love and goodness. So much intelligence and so much light. Laughter and good conversations ensued. Those are the kinds of moments where I know in my heart of hearts that life is inherently good.

10) Rob spoke with Lee (our macaw owning, crazy neighbor) and ostensibly she is supposed to move out tomorrow. I’m choosing to believe that this is going to be true and I’m beyond excited and thankful. If the macaws go tomorrow I will be more than pleased. I will be ecstatic. For now, I’m just excited by the notion.

Well…I feel a little saner and much more aware of the good in my life, though the anxiety is still present. I know that tomorrow is a new day and I can now go to bed and to sleep.

With gratitude,
Tanya