So I missed writing a second time yesterday and didn’t get caught up. I made myself a lofty promise that I’d get two of these done in one day in order to get caught up from the day before. Guess what? I didn’t do it. I favored sleep over the positivity experiment, and it was the Right-Thing-To-Do ™.
In the past, this would have stopped me from moving forward because of guilt, embarrassment, self-judgment, and a whole slew of other ridiculous exercises in self-bludgeoning, which have effectively gotten me a big, fat nowhere on the “hooray for me” scale. *wry grin* This time I’m not letting it stop me, and I attribute that to personal growth and to the New Year’s Resolution I made this year.
For 2009, I gave myself only one New Year’s Resolution. That was to take at least one photo every single day with my SLR camera. It will be May 1 tomorrow and I think I’ve probably missed about 15 days of shooting since January. That means that of the 120 days in the year thus far, I’ve shot at least one photo a day, and generally QUITE a few more than that, for 105 of those. Not so bad! Go me!
One of the many things that particular resolution/exercise has taught/is teaching me, is that the world doesn’t come to an end when I have to put something down for a day/don’t meet my own immediate expectations. From that I have learned that it is much better, and much more satisfying, to pick up the camera again the next day and keep going with the project/resolution/writing/whatever. I don’t need to punish myself for what I haven’t done, I need to be proud of myself for what I am and have done. Phew!
That is a Tough lesson for me to fully grok, but a good one never-the-less.
So, all expounding aside, current positives are:
1) Picking this up again and continuing on with it.
2) Starting to learn that it is both okay and actually good to look at what I *have* done instead of always looking at what I *haven’t* done.
3) I did not kill my neighbor or her f-ing macaws today. Sometimes it is the small victories, I swear.
4) Putting faces with voices on the phone. I work with a woman named Gabrielle who works for UCPD every day at work and after MONTHS of talking with her and enjoying her via telephone, I finally got to meet her in person today and it made me so happy to have an actual person to go with the incredibly pleasant disembodied voice. I remember feeling the same way about my friend Stacie. She worked for the travel agency one of my old companies worked for and we became friends on the phone over the years of working together. When I finally got to meet her and her husband some years later it was SUCH a delight. So yes, putting faces with voices rock.
5) The 1 ½ hour workshop I took yesterday called “Beyond Stress Management” which was given through the health center at UC Berkeley. It had some great reminders and some nice new ways of looking at things. I really appreciated both the materials and the way the speaker presented them. Food for thought is good. I did find it intriguing though that the class was all women except for one male participant and the teacher. So fascinating culturally/sociologically.
6) Being able to notice my cranky all day today. Not to just sit in it wallowing, but to really be able to notice it and stem the tide a bit so that it didn’t completely consume me. Deep cleansing breaths today. Many deep cleansing breaths. *laughing at self*
7) Instant messaging. I appreciate it most for long distance friendships, but also like it as a tool for checking in with people who are nearby. A big “for instance” on the long distance front is Michelle. Michelle is one of my very dear friends. She is an incredibly talented photographer (see her website here: http://www.foxfish.com/ or her facebook page here: http://www.facebook.com/s.php?init=q&q=spider+n.&ref=ts&sid=3cf0738145897434bc49f39f04bc2b99#/pages/FoxFish-Photography/53418540786?ref=ts ) who is raising a family and building a business at the same time and she lives in Colorado. We IM each other most week days when we both have access to AIM. Recently gmail made it easy to sign into AIM through google chat. I’m so thankful for that because it has allowed us to once again have our daily check ins with all of the wonderful conversations, support, mutual cheerleading, love and laughter that go with being able to “talk” regularly.
8) Trader Joe’s berry applesauce is full of yummy goodness.
9) Fuzzy, woolly, argyle socks. Nuff said. :)
10) Laura’s blog today was a great reminder about the importance of asking for help and being able to then accept it graciously. Thank you, Laura. I *really* needed that reminder.
YAY…time to sleep!
Happy Beltane. Welcome May. I won’t be dancing the sun up tomorrow as I have in years past, but I will be dancing all day in my heart.
Tanya Anguita is a photographer, writer, & performer who finds delight in the small details of life. She owns Frog Song Photography in Berkeley, California and posts to three blogs: